Love Junkie: The Journey

Tiger Woods's apology, Mia Michaels's brilliance, and the Addictive Dance o' Death

2010-02-19T13:02:00.001-08:00

Kayla & Kupono, "Addiction" dance

I know. It's the Year of the Tiger, and today Tiger Woods's gave his long-awaited statement to the press in the wake of his sex scandal. Yet before I comment, I want to summon one of the most powerful and eloquent portrayals of addiction I've ever seen. The brilliant Mia Michaels, who choreographed the dance for SYTYCD, said, "I think everybody at one point will have or has had an experience with wanting something that's not good for you." Yes, and some of us have made a lifelong pattern of it. That's one hallmark of addiction. The repetition. The enslavement to the wanting. And the inability to let go, even when it hurts.

"You are the Addiction," she told Kupono. Kupono knew addiction firsthand. He said a good friend's addiction to drugs had "almost destroyed my family, almost destroyed my friend." He didn't want to dance this character, or be that drug -- even for a minute and a half performance. Then he broke down. His emotional engagement clearly ignited the dance, set to Sara Bareilles's "Gravity." Check it out:
"Addiction" dance - Kayla Rodomski & Kupono Aweau, dancers; Mia Michael, choreographer

This dance reminds us people can be destructively, uncontrollably hooked on a person. People can be addicted to love as well as sex, as well as drugs, as well as alcohol. Some people use relationships as a drug. As a love junkie, I did this. I confused sex for love, and I entered into the territory of sex addiction through love addiction. This is often the portal for women, as Dr. Drew noted on that Oprah episode with cast from VH1's "Sex Rehab." Lots to chew on, and think about in terms of Tiger and this addiction. Like Elin, I also was drawn to sex addicts -- people who were never just satisfied with me. If that's not a prescription for psychic hellaciousness.

[Note: SYTYCD without Mia Michaels, without the choreographers on the judging panel, is greatly diminished for this viewer. The choreographers brought gravitas, passion and artistic vision to the discussion of dancers. Mia Michaels was the queen. No wonder she won an Emmy for this piece. I no longer watch SYTYCD. It got too big for its Danskins.]

Tiger Woods, victorious

On top of the world - flip side, "I felt entitled"

Check the above photo of Tiger. Then this one below from the press conference today:

Tiger Woods at press conference

1st public statement post-scandal, 2.29.10

Do yourself a favor, and watch the 13 minute statement. Whatever you think about this world-class athlete personally -- his statement is powerful. Someone on Twitter today asked me if he was in recovery-recovery or celebrity recovery-recovery. My sense is that he is ready to get better. I checked in with Benoit Denizet-Lewis today, and we both concurred. Tiger had come across vulnerable, sincere, and willing to take responsibility. There are no guarantees, of course. But what his public statement can do is crack open the cultural awareness about sex addiction. That's why it matters in the bigger picture of our health as a society. Further, his dedication to rigorous rehab can perhaps help educate people about the treatment and hope for sex addiction -- and other process addictions as well as substance addictions. When he brought up the spiritual dimension, and his training in Buddhism, I applauded him further. This aspect is key to true recovery, and often left out of the more general public conversation. Then he went on to say he had a long way to go. That, too, is crucial to convey to people -- that there is no quick fix here. In the end, I was simply moved by the emotional openness of his speaking. I believed. And that is the biggest testament of all. I say bravo to Tiger for putting a face and voice to this pervasive addiction. Perhaps it is not just the year of the Tiger, but also the year of deepening awareness of such wildly destructive process addictions.

What are your thoughts?

Wake up, Twilight Generation! Pay No Attention to Robert Pattinson: Time to Celebrate The Power of Pussy!

2010-02-16T13:47:00.000-08:00

Superdiva Ann Magnuson

demonstrating pride in pussy, awesome creative femaleness

& ultrasonic smart humor

Wake up, Twilight Generation! Not only is the Twilight entertainment franchise teaching you toxic lessons in love that'll help lead you to bad relationships and full-blown love junkieness (check this excellent recent post by Libby Cudmore about it here: No Valentines for Twilight Generation ) -- but now one of the stars has publicly voiced his squeamishness and distaste for female genitalia. Don't take it. Don't buy into it. Just say no to self-hatred and cultural misogyny, however disguised -- or not.

Here's the link to the TMI interview where 23-year-old actor Robert Pattinson unwisely let his misogyny rip: Robert Pattinson really hates vaginas [Interesting to note he is currently the same age as Lady Gaga, who takes as a matter of pride standing up for sexual fluidity and LGBT rights. Take a moment to juxtapose the female representations of Bella and Gaga, if you will. Let alone our loose-lipped vamp.]

To help combat Pattinson's damaging message, I've summoned the brilliant, eternally relevant Renaissance woman Ann Magnuson, still going strong. Pulled one from the vault to remind us all how to celebrate the power of pussy, embrace being women. And conduct ourselves in love and relationships with both swagger and grace.

I remember going to a release party for this vid decades ago -- was it at Les Deux? - and exulting in the presence of Ann, the no-holds no-genders-barred vibe. Years before, I'd championed the electrifying, uber-sexy Ann to play the Mrs. Robinson character in "A Night In The Life of Jimmy Reardon" with the enviable task of seducing up-and-comer River Phoenix, then a 16-year-old golden boy.]

Take a listen and see if it doesn't have an instant superdiva effect. [Note: You must be 18 or over to view.]Bongwater's classic "Power of Pussy"

Now wrench those vamp teeth from your necks, fling the glittery gaunt stalker from your tail, and rock on!

Rachelxo

"This Thing Called Love" - provocative essay from Glasgow's Sunday Herald

2010-02-15T09:55:00.000-08:00

Isn't that 50s illustration scary? Reminds me how vindicated I felt, and relieved, when I saw gnarly portraits of love and coupledom as a kid. Like in "Klute," which my mother took me to see at the drive-in when I was maybe 7. Sure it was disturbing. Inappropriate. It also strangely opened up a richer world of relating. Including erotic. Something screamingly absent from this starched illustration. But I digress.

Recently, a Scottish journalist, Teddy Jamieson, contacted me about an essay on love he was composing. It was to appear on Valentine's Day in the Glasgow Sunday Herald magazine. He said he'd been intrigued by my book, Love Junkie, and that he thought maybe I could contribute some of the darker colors to his portrait. A week later, we spoke. What he used from our conversation is in parts distorted. Yet this is what often happens when one collaborates on creative projects. It's an opportunity to let go, get Zen about the flow of ideas, imagination. The creative commons. Sampling. I think Teddy is a helluva writer. A probing interviewer. His essay on the color white which was previously published in the Sunday Herald left me breathless. I am eager to hear your thoughts on his whole vision of love as reflected in this essay. Or whatever sparks you, or makes your heart leap, or sink. Or pulse brightly in recognition. After all, Jamieson includes delectable Don Draper, the ultimate cynic of love. When I get some comments, I'll respond to the misrepresentations of my quotes, in service of maintaining clarity about my position as a love junkie -- which is neither victim, nor sex-negative. Au contraire. Enjoy! As we continue the ongoing dialogue about love, sex, romance, relationships -- what constitutes health and what toxicity, and what, perhaps, straddles those lines and vacillates betwixt and between. Happy post-V-Day! I hope it was a beautiful one for all of you. RRxo

[NOTE: In order to read the article, simply click on the page you desire and a bigger, readable size screen will pop up.]

Letting Go of the Fairytale: Happy Valentine's Day!

2010-02-14T16:40:00.000-08:00

A true princess yearns eternally (mother hunger). Waits for love and stays faithful despite receiving little or no nurturing (deprivation). Suffers for love (masochism). Insists on multiple feathered mattresses (entitlement). Puts exaggerated stock in her locks (addiction to haircare, vanity, the externals). Remains always a princess, never a queen (arrested development). Fantasizes the same dream of Your Princely Arms swooping her up (obsessive, addicted to fantasy -- easier when one is always dressed in a flowy gown). Pines for love, yet is either never or rarely satisfied (masochism, plus victimhood, plus dramaqueen). Gets deeply hooked when presented with challenge and rejection (seriously fucked up, overly driven to fix, and prolly PTSD -- Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome - like so many of us due to our childhoods. Not to mention the cultural messages! How are we to be both sexy bad girl and marriageable good girl? As Kelly McDaniel states so eloquently in her must-read Ready To Heal: Women Facing Love, Sex and Relationship Addiction, this results in a cultural double bind. Which results in self-hatred. What's a girl to do?)

Ah, Andrew Lang. I fed on your pretty-colored fairy books as a child. I devoured your tomes. Traced the romantic illustrations. Dreamed of locking myself away in a tower, pricking my finger with a thorn so blood would spill onto snow and prove my love, enduring pestilence and plagues for my man. You know -- the one in disco-shiny armor that still showed off his muscled limbs, the one thundering on horseback, toward me! To rescue the broken one, the girl incomplete without a knight, a prince, a king.

Since I grew up in a chaotic household, where my mother was crazy and self-medicated with alcohol and my father was not in the picture -- I retreated into books. Specifically fairytales. On one occasion, I strode into my mother's bedroom where she had lain all day, hungover, depressed, though it was already dinner time -- and presented her with a list of chores I should be assigned. "To build character," I said, steely-eyed as only a 'tween can be. She laughed, then sank back into the twisted bedclothes. "Get out," she said. "I don't feel like being a mother."

So I plucked my ideals and honed my morals from fairytales. This has gotten me into trouble all my life.

Imagine my pleasure when I was invited to talk specifically about this one aspect of a love junkie's journey. How childhood fairytales exacerbated an already vulnerable psychic and chemical condition, one created out of parental chaos, attachment disorder, lack of rules and boundaries, absence of love, trauma.

Upon return from the East Coast, where I participated at Sex Week At Yale (will cover in a separate blog post!), I spoke with lovely Kim Iverson out of Austin, Texas, about Letting Go of the Fairytale. Turns out her radio show producer, the way cool Casey Acevedo, is a self-proclaimed princess who's struck out when it comes to love. I tried to set her straight in a quick 7-minute interview. Here's the link! Check it out. I'd love to know your response.

Letting Go of the Fairytale -- on "Your Time With Kim" radio show

If you are so inclined, post comments here, and/or on the radio show's blog. Consider it a virtual Valentine -- if not to me, then to all the girls and women out there struggling with their own ideas of love, romance, and their beautiful yearning hearts. Love yourself. That is the best Valentine of all.

Rachel
xo

[Let me make clear: I am an ardent fan of fairytales. The real ones. The harsher the better. Bring on Grimm. Check out Bruno Bettelheim's The Uses of Enchantment for illumination on how these potent archetypal stories can help and heal a young psyche still unable to articulate dangerous emotions. It just so happens in my case these stories brewed together with other elements to provide a problematic, unrealistic storyline. That narrative, the story I told myself for years, is the one that needed to be changed. And which I did, in part, in Love Junkie: A Memoir. Stay tuned for more talk about the transformational power of writing memoir. And of narrative therapy, as invented by David White.]

Break The Love Junkie Habit! CalStateLA pre-Valentine's presentation

2010-02-05T12:25:00.000-08:00

This past Monday, I had the pleasure and privelege to read and discuss Love Junkie for a packed house at CalStateLA's groovy Student Union. Rhonda Mitchell, a way cool and super-talented former writing student of mine from Mediabistro's 12-Week Novelist Bootcamp before Writers On Fire was born, invited me. The event was part of their ongoing Cup of Culture series at the Cross Cultural Center.

We thought maybe there'd be 10-20 students dropping in between classes. Mostly writers. Instead, it was standing room only and they sold out of books. The students' palpable hunger for straight talk about love and sex, romance and relationships from an older adult perspective was beyond inspiring. "Tell us what 'Sex and the City' doesn't talk about," they said. To illustrate how love junkieness can take root in childhood, I read a bit from the Blue Flame chapter, then a section about the boy with the longest eyelashes in the world, my six-year-old crush. Fielded questions about relationships. Addiction. Attachment. Students opened up with amazing courage. Some cried as they shared about being involved with people who didn't treat them right and yet they couldn't stop going back. I also read from the Phuket section. It's so important to let go of judgment, shame. What better way than sharing such a story. One girl told me afterwards that she was so inspired she was going to start a blog about relationships. No longer would she waste all her time chasing phantom love.

Here's what Rhonda said the students wrote in their evaluations:

1) I learned the true definition of a love junkie
2) I learned that you should love yourself first
3) I learned that love can turn into an obsession
4) I learned about the complexity of relationships and love
5) I learned that love can be addictive

They rated their interest in this event as “high.” They thought the length of the event was “just right.” They also rated you as “excellent. They would make no changes to the event.

Glad I didn't know they were evaluating me as I was presenting!

Days later, I am even more inspired and certain that colleges and other young adults would benefit from this frank discussion of love addiction. What a perfect way to prepare for returning to the Yale University campus tomorrow for SWAY, Sex Week At Yale http://www.sexweekatyale.com/schedule/ -- a weeklong exploration of intimacy, relationships, sex and love featuring everyone from transgendered sex workers to cultural anthropologist and love expert Dr. Helen Fisher. I'm honored to have a chance to bring honest talk about love and sex and romance addiction to people who're young enough to wake up and change the course of their lives. It will be my first time returning to the Yale campus after graduating a quarter century ago.

As I wrote in student book inscriptions, here is a virtual Valentine for us all:

Remember to love yourself first.

Rachel

On the anniversary of my mother's death

2010-01-01T23:18:00.000-08:00

Jane's high school portrait

Windsor School

Today marks the anniversary of my mother's death by suicide, over 30 years ago. I pay tribute to her and continue to honor her memory by doing my best to embrace life and live fully, slaying demons along the rocky, sparkly-glorious way. Let there be hope for all those suffering, all those considering ending their own lives now or in the past. I hope you choose life. Go where the love is.

Jane on Commando, jumping

10 years before I was born

About my mother's high school portrait: Windsor School. All girls. Bostonian blueblood prep. She was so full of promise. Troubled, yes. Also a crack photographer, killer field hockey player, a graceful equestrian, and played Creon -- interestingly, andrognynously -- in the school production of Antigone. I still miss you, Ma.

And so ends another holiday season, which for me -- and I know for many other people who suffered or suffer difficult family relationships, history, or have none -- brings pain. We have made it through. We have triumphed. Let the rest of the year be about celebrating life.

2009-12-29T14:28:00.000-08:00

Call me Rachel Resnickova. Czech translation of Love Junkie from Jota arrived yesterday. Positively psychedelic!

Gifts: A beautiful new review from The Barcelona Review

2009-12-24T15:20:00.000-08:00

Meat stand in Morocco

http://www.barcelonareview.com/rev/69.html
Talk about gifts. What a thoughtful, generous review from one of my all-time favorite online magazines, The Barcelona Review. Check it out, and then if you're interested, click on the link to an old story of mine, "The Meat-Eaters of Marrakesh." You just might recognize one of the characters/settings/relationships in the memoir. Only it's unleashed and heightened the way fiction allows. In the review of Love Junkie, Jill Adams says, "This book matters." Wow!
Merry merry! Whether you celebrate Xmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa, Saturnalia or Festivus (the holiday for the rest of us) -- tear it up! RRxo
Stay tuned for groovy pics and write-up of the recent wild and woolly Hustler/Hollywood event. For now, as a seasonal teaser and my gift to you all who have been so supportive and inspiring, enjoy this snap from the last minutes of the Hustler/Hollywood event. Yes, Jesus came. Clearly he is a love junkie, too.

Jesus has my back. And one of the guest's backs, too.

Also her formidable scarlet nails.

Ever Fallen In Love With Someone You Shouldn't Have?

2009-12-02T13:42:00.000-08:00

EVER FALLEN IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE?

HUSTLER HOLLYWOOD PRESENTS STAN KENT’S INFAMOUS, UN-RATED ENTERTAINMENT VARIETY SHOW “SEX, DRUGS AND ROCK AND ROLL” WITH FEATURED GUEST RACHEL RESNICK, PORN STAR LEGEND AND SEX EXPERT GUEST HOST NINA HARTLEY, AND MUSICAL GUEST RICKY BERGER

The event will also feature an erotic reading and bellydancing by Safa - Claire Litton

Los Angeles- On Thursday, December 10, 2009, at 8:00pm, Hustler Hollywood presents Stan Kent’s infamous uncensored entertainment variety show “Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll.” The night’s featured guest is author Rachel Resnick who will be talking about falling in love with all the wrong people in her groundbreaking new sex/love addiction memoir Love Junkie. The night will also feature legendary porn star, sex expert and bestselling author Nina Hartley as the guest host.

http://www.nina.com/

Musical guest is Ricky Berger, an up-and-coming chanteuse with a stunning voice that evokes the classic vocal era.

http://www.myspace.com/rickyberger

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWDL2RqHs4s

To round out the evening, Safa-Claire Litton will perform an erotic reading and bellydance. The event will also feature free tasty nibbles from the cafe and swag bags of Hustler merchandise to send everyone home happy.

HUSTLER/HOLLYWOOD INFO: 8920 W Sunset Blvd West Hollywood, CA 90069-1812 - (310) 860-9009

To me, this feels like an evening of William Blake's "Songs of Innocence and of Experience" made manifest. http://www.gailgastfield.com/innocence/soi.html [Thank you, Gail Gastfield! For the lovely presentation, w/gorgeous plates.] You be the judge.

Let me know if you can make it, and feel free to spread the word. Remember: Recovery doesn't have to mean no fun. Also, not everyone is an addict. There is no reason to go all Puritan and shut down on love, sex, romance, relationships once in recovery. The idea is to celebrate true ecstasy and true intimacy. And while remaining vigilant, journey toward closer human connection.

This evening is dedicated to Lisa Firestone, whose birthday falls on this day. She is one of the most steadfast of Writers On Fire participants, a dear friend, a rockin' writer, and a woman who knows how to have kickass, healthy fun. She is an inspiration.

Hope to see you guys next week!

Rachel
xoxo
P.S. If anyone wants a formal press release, feel free to e-mail me at rachel@rachelresnick.com. Thanks!
***************************************
WRITERS ON FIRE
Rachel Resnick
120 N. Topanga Cyn. Blvd., Suite 105
PMB 173
Topanga, CA 90290
www.rachelresnick.com
www.writersonfire.com

Happy birthday, Ma! A note to the Original Love Junkie

2009-11-30T15:47:00.000-08:00

Happy birthday, Ma! Even with your eyes downcast here, you look somehow mischievous and lively. Strong, and devil-may-care sexy. One of the things that motivates me, and gives me pure pleasure, is breathing life back into you with words. You were so vivacious. I remember your deep laugh, the infectious timbre, its crazy escalation. The way you sang nonsense ditties by Lewis Carroll when you were drunk. "'You are old, Father William,' the young man said, 'And your hair has become very white. And yet you incessantly stand on your head. Do you think at your age it is right?'..." Don't worry. I will not let them forget you.

Here we are, bewildered by the world, together. I love how strong your clavicle looks, and I remember how you broke that clavicle in one of our many car accidents. This one happened somewhere outside D.C., in that white w/ black convertible topped VW bug with the green-and-blue flower stickers from Zuma's stuck on the hood. I remember the song "Everybody's Talkin' At Me" by Harry Nilsson
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8HL4WRp_Qk&feature=related was playing on the radio, and how when we smashed into the guardrail, you threw your arm protectively across my chest, and I loved that. I can still feel the warmth of that arm, pressed against my child's chest. I can't hear that song without feeling grief rise up in me like smoke.

You're so young here, Ma! High school? Before you became a Bostonian debutante? When you still wore the proper WASP clothes, the red lipstick and pearl earrings. I call this expression of yours "stargazing." If you look at the B&W photo of me on the home page of this site, you might recognize that same stargazing in my face. Those telltale shining addict eyes. They light up when we're triggered, don't they, Ma? When we fix our gaze on something, someone, whom we think will save us. Something that still breaks my heart is how you kept looking for love from people who could never give it. If there's one most precious thing I've learned in recovery, it's this: "Go where the love is." If you don't, you will surely die.

I love this one of you in triptych, Ma. You, incognito. You, gazing (somewhat) steadily, though off to the side. You, questioning yourself, questioning it all. You had such humor, and heart. I thank you for all the photographs you handed down to me, the gift of your artistry and your eye. I miss you. Terribly. Today, I celebrate that you were born, and I thank you for birthing me. Happy birthday, Ma. Don't forget. I will always love you.

New Love Junkie book site page: Reader Responses!

2009-11-27T15:17:00.000-08:00

So this is a time for gratitude. Today, as I contemplate never eating again I'm still so full, I want to pay tribute to the incredible Love Junkie readers. We have just added a brand new page to the Love Junkie book site to showcase some of these reader responses. When I have doubted the book, when I have despaired about the book's chances in this challenging economy and cultural climate, when I have felt like hiding away from the raw story itself, letters from readers have kept me going. Their words have given me faith that there is something in this book that can help others.

Please check out this new page, and let me know your thoughts here on the Love Junkie blog. Here's the link:
http://www.lovejunkiethememoir.com/Reader_Responses.html

Meanwhile, below is a photo of a real Love Junkie reader caught in action! This is Judy Carter, the renowned comedian, author of perennial bestseller The Comedy Bible, and a previous participant in the Writers On Fire workshops. She generously posted this on Facebook some weeks ago. Enjoy! I look forward to your comments on the new Reader Response page. We plan to update it with new responses in coming weeks.

Gratefully yours,
Rachel
xoxo

P.S. SEND PHOTOS OF YOU READING LOVE JUNKIE AND WE'LL POST A NEW PIC EVERY WEEK!

In a Greek coffee shop in NYC reading Rachel Resnick's amazing book "Love Junkie." Passionate story of sordid details of a personal exodus from sex addiction. Get it!

-- Judy Carter

Big news: AOL Health interview! Plus EW & Eric Roberts' endorsement!

2009-11-25T18:18:00.000-08:00

5:45PM. On board the groovily retro Coast Starlight train. Just pulled out of San Luis Obispo. It's already darkening as we hurtle toward Los Angeles. Sacramento seems far behind. Above, pinpricks of light glimmer like tiny stars, the motion of the train lulls my sleep-deprived body and brain, and I feel like I'm dreaming when I think about the surprise of having an interview front and center on the official AOL site.

The interview for AOL Health appeared as the lead story on the early evening of Monday, November 24th. I know because suddenly my e-mail box flooded with notes from friends, relatives, classmates, colleagues, strangers, saying they'd seen my photo flash across their screens and then the interview. "Are You A Love Junkie?"

That same day, rockin' actor Eric Roberts actually tweeted Love Junkie's Amazon link and called it an "important book." Surreal!

Eric Roberts' on Twitter Gives Shout-Out to Love Junkie 11/24/09

I remember first falling for Roberts and his charismatic edgy energy when he starred in "The Pope of Greenwich Village" along with Mickey Rourke. He was totally the kind of sexy, street-hustling, wild-eyed man I would've gone for when in full-blown love junkie mode. Here's a still from that film:

I wonder if being a father to Emma Roberts, also an actor, had something to do with him resonating so strongly with Love Junkie. I also noticed something on his site called The Natural Child Project: Children Reflect the Treatment They Receive. Then there's his quote: "Just because I'm girl crazy doesn't mean I like women." Lots to chew on, in light of Love Junkie's terrain! I'm curious what you think about it all.

Earlier this month Love Junkie also appeared in Entertainment Weekly's Nov. 13th issue, featured as New In Paperback. The attention the book is getting is dizzying. Even disorienting. Maybe I am still struggling with deep programming that renders me more comfortable with struggle, with failure. Yet what sustains me, what allows me to not only believe but perhaps enjoy some of the notice, is that this book is about me, and yet not about me at all. It seems that what I wrote is somehow dovetailing with a cultural readiness to look at relationships a little differently. To try out a new lens with which to examine patterns of destructive relationships. To dig beneath the very concept we have of love.

I am honored. I am delighted. And I am humbled.

Here is the link to the AOL Health interview, if you are interested. I think the interviewing journalist, Michelle Burford, did a fantastic job. She was a pure pleasure.
http://www.aolhealth.com/healthy-living/relationships/love-junkie-rachel-resnick

Thank you for your support, and faith, and for joining me on this journey. More to come very soon. There's been a lot happening lately.
Rachel
xoxo

New Website Launch!

2009-11-12T13:36:00.000-08:00

As I write this, I’m drinking a fresh-made latte to warm my bones. I’m such a sun whore. The hell with seasons, the subtlety of changing leaves and all that cyclical jazz. Give me eternal summer. The merciless yet vivifying glare of sunshine. There’s a chill in the air today, the sky is dishwater gray, but the view from my deck overlooking the Topanga State Park is still breathtaking. Buck up, is what that view says. Open your eyes. Be grateful. I inhale, think about the journey I’ve been on the past few years. In truth, I barely recognize myself. I feel like a shape-shifter, psychologically speaking. My friend the amazing writer Samantha Dunn warned me that writing a memoir would change me. She was right. In the wake of the book, I’m still learning who I am.

In November of 2009, my first memoir Love Junkie came out. The year before that, I squirreled away in my modest Topanga rental to bang out the book. Sometimes it felt more like sluicing open my veins than writing. I’d never been so skinless. I pity whoever got close to me then. For a whole year, I was like a walking-talking raw nerve. And crazy. That’s right. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Writing a memoir can make you bonkers. Memoir is about memory, and to write vividly, you’ve got to “go there.” Meaning, you’ve got to relive those memories, which in this case, meant feeling pain fresh. Okay, yes, there was also memory of physical ecstasy – which was more fun to revisit -- and I hope a lot of dark humor shot through the whole thing. You know, that special humor that springs from a wacky, rough childhood – where everything starts to look deliciously absurd. We’re talking survival goggles.

When the book came out, I had little idea what to expect. I went from being a hyper-introspective psyche-flaying wacked-out hermit – to a published memoirist who now had to, well, groom herself! Shower, shave, deodorize, dress in something other than sweats. And present the book to the world. It felt like a whirlwind. The book came out right when the economy was crashing, and then the publishing industry followed suit. All the rules changed, and quickly. My last published book, Go West Young F*cked-Up Chick (Gee, any connection there?!) had come out ten years before. (Why the long lag, you ask? I was too busy being a love junkie to write another book!) So I had some chops when it came to going public with my writing. I don’t think I could’ve written a memoir without that experience of publishing a novel, other publications, and years of teaching and learning to articulate things about craft in a professional, distanced way. Yet fiction is far more shielding than memoir. So in that sense, I wasn’t prepared at all. Plus, publishing-wise, it was a different world then. For GWYF-UC, I remember insisting on building a website and posting the URL on the book’s back cover. The publishers thought I was out of my mind. Cut to ten years later, and the two operative words for modern book publicity: social networking. That includes websites, Facebook, Twitter, blogs, you name it. And – it falls primarily on the shoulders of the author.

I have to laugh when people ask me what I’m writing now. Writing? I’m a book pimp! I have a book out. While it’s out there, I’ve got to support it or all that intense cave-dwelling soul-searching heart-baring work will go to waste and wind up in the dreaded remainder bin. I tell people rather than trying to channel Proust, I’m now all about channeling the spirit of P.T. Barnum! Despite the climate, we were lucky enough to get lots of press and attention for Love Junkie. What happened was the book seemed to hit a cultural nerve. Shortly before the hardcover debuted, actor David Duchovny publicly confessed to entering rehab for sex addiction. This was a watershed moment. It seemed America was getting ready for a cultural dialogue about hidden but pervasive process addictions like love and sex addiction. The press and book tour continued. Meanwhile, I was also trying to keep my business Writers On Fire alive so I could earn to support my writing habit. It’s a bitch earning your living freelance. But I’m unsuited to offices or regular jobs, so this is my path right now. I also admit I love the freedom – and the gambling rush of it all.

It seems I barely had time to breathe after the hardcover when – whammo – the paperback was coming out. This time, we might have more of a fighting chance. The paperback launched in early October. So the shadow of holidaze was far enough away that we could spread the word about the book in its new irresistible pulsating pink cover. Urban fantasy novelist and blogger extraordinaire Justine Musk said it was the only pink she’s ever liked. She called it “fuck you pink.” Spot on.

Shortly after its release, I got the news the paperback had gone into reprint. Whut? I’d never had anything go into reprint! Then I heard Barnes & Noble had seen fit to feature it on their New Arrivals trade paperback tables in their largest stores for two weeks. Two weeks! And without anyone paying them? Then it hit the Southern California Indie Bestseller list. What was happening? I’d tried different publicists with the hardcover. Now it was time to try again. The stars were aligned because national bestseller Hope Edelman, friend, neighbor, and author of the seminal book Motherless Daughters and most recently, the stunning memoir The Possibility of Everything, generously invited me to join her in conversation at a combo book event for us both at the first ever SheWrites salon in Los Angeles. That’s where I met the fresh, young dynamic duo of Jamie and Julia - J Squared PR (jsquaredpr.com) – right as they were beginning their business. They were the literary publicists of the future, with their chutzpah and solid grounding in film publicity. Their take-no-prisoners attitude, boundless energy and enthusiasm were just the fuel injection I needed for the paperback incarnation. It was the last chance.

Now was the time to spread the word, and hopefully prepare for the book to have a life after the tiny publishing window closed. To catch you up, I’m currently smack in the midst of the paperback promotion. In future blog posts I will try to talk more specifically about that process, and about other stuff, too. In this opening post, I just wanted to introduce you all to the Love Junkie journey, so you can join me from this point forward on a more regular basis. If you have any questions, or want to know about particular things, please feel free to ask me. You can send me e-mail through this awesome new site designed by Jamie of JSquaredPR.

Confession: I would never have had the confidence or faith to keep pushing for the book’s survival if it weren’t for the extraordinary, heartfelt letters I’ve received and continue to receive from readers. In truth, I’m more of a writer – full of doubt and strong waves of, well, self-loathing. Sure, sometimes those alternate with thinking I’m okay (wait! Maybe I’m describing an addict more than every writer!) In any case, although I do love casual socializing, I’d rather be holed up, playing with word choice, polishing sentences, conjuring visceral scenes and feeling that creativity surge through me than out book-pimping. When I write is the only time I feel bigger than myself. I know it’s not about me, but about letting something come through me.

‘Til soon.
Rachel
xoxo